namasteph yoga blog

Friday night I went to a gong concert at Yoga West, only to have a complete meltdown because some naive mother thought it would be a good idea to bring her wee toddler to the event.

I was having a really trying day (it was the day of a big eclipse, if you are into the astrology thing). For one thing, my apartment manager had pounced all over me because a psycho neighbor was complaining that I parked my car in the street. (Yes, in the public street. Long story.) When I got to the gong event, all I wanted to do was relax and de-stress from my emotional day.

I got to the event and placed my mat upfront where I could really get the benefits of the gong. The description of the event had indicated we would be experiencing some kundalini exercises as well as a full yoga nidra, which is a guided relaxation, yoga style. Then we would hear the gongs. I was so excited…until…

About 10 minutes after the hour, a young mother walked in with a toddler. I am not that great with ages but the kid was barely out of “baby” age, meaning she did not appear to be walking yet, and she was making loud “baby” noises such as “BAH!” or “DAAAAH!” or “OOO!” at odd moments. Even though the kid was all the way in the back, I could hear these piercing sounds all the way upfront. “Inhale!” the teacher would say. “DAH!!!” the kid would pipe up with no rhyme or reason.

I was pissed. There was no way I would be able to relax with that kid babbling on randomly like that, with no restraint. And it seemed to me (or perhaps I was projecting), that even the guest teachers themselves were a little surprised and concerned when the child was brought in. You can pretty much bet that any child who is already making “BAH!” and “DAH!” noises is at some point going to start screaming or carrying on in some louder fashion later when you least want them to.

Now, I realize that some spiritual people would say that this was an opportunity to develop patience, but for me it was an opportunity to speak up. I walked out to the front desk and told them that there was a toddler in there, and did they perhaps have some child care, because it was disturbing the event. They were very nice about it and said they would see what they could do.

I went back to the event, but I was stressed and upset from my day, and unable to relax or concentrate while waiting to see what happened with the child. It seemed that about 15 minutes had gone by without any entrance from the staff. At this point, I knew I was not going to be able to relax and enjoy myself with a kid making noises in the back, and I was getting madder at the minute. (Not spiritual I know, but hey, blame it on the eclipse.)

I’d finally had it, and walked back (in the middle of the class) and asked the mother if she planned on keeping the kid in there during the meditation. “Oh, she’s fine,” she said. “No she’s not,” I replied. “She’s already been making noise.”

At this point, I walked out and asked for a refund. I was upset and practically shaking. It wasn’t so much the specific incident with the kid, it was just the entire day coming down on me.

The two women at the front desk calmed me down and told me they were taking care of it. They had called Gurudhan, one of the Sikh teachers (and one of the oldest teachers there). He is an amazing man with a great sense of humor and a twinkle in his eye, and just the kind look he had on his face when he told me I could go back to the room put me at ease. The front desk helpers made me some tea, and Gurudhan went and arranged for the child to stay in the meditation room during the event.

So I went back in, finally, to a class with just adults and real silence at the right moments. It was to some amusement that I heard, off in the distance, the child screaming in the other room when someone opened the door briefly to use the bathroom.

The yoga nidra was wonderful, and consisted of a half-hour of guided visualization with the voice of one teacher, with no music or sound whatsoever. I can’t even imagine trying to do that with a noisy toddler in the back. The gong itself was sublime.

I apologized to the teachers and staff afterwards for making a fuss, but it seemed it was better for all that the child was put in the other room. She apparently finally fell asleep, which is what she probably needed much more than hearing the gongs.

I have to give Yoga West’s staff credit for handling me with such kindness, especially because I was one stressed out yogi that day. I left there feeling a million times better.

So excuse me if I’m not being more patient and spiritual here while I ask:

What is wrong with some parents these days? Don’t they understand that kids 3 and under should be in bed by 8 pm? As I’ve written here before, I don’t think toddlers and babies should be brought along to late-night yoga events. To me, it’s pure selfishness on the part of the parent. It’s not fair to the child, nor to the other people at the event.

I can only figure that the parent is either too cheap to pay for babysitting or is using the child to prop up their ego (nothing like having a cute little baby for people to coo at, if you want to get attention, I guess). I think some parents these days carry their kids around like accessories, much in the way Paris Hilton might carry around a toy poodle in a handbag.

Please do not tell me that the mother couldn’t afford a babysitter. If you can’t afford a babysitter, you have no business spending $25-40 on a special event.

I don’t mind kids in a class if they are old enough to do the poses and follow the class. At many Yoga West classes, I’ve found a lot of kids around 8-10 years old are brought in. While I do wonder whether this is what the kid really wants (or what the parents want), at least a 9-year-old isn’t going to disturb the meditation by running around yelling “BAH! DAH! DOO DEE!! DA!!!” at random moments.

A friend tells me that at her Buddhist centers, children under 16 are not allowed at meditations. I don’t think this is anti-kid. Much to the opposite. I think kids should be allowed to be kids, doing kids stuff and playing more than meditating. I think kid-focused yoga classes and meditations are more appropriate for the really young ones, classes that would happen during the day, not on a Friday evening ending after 9 pm.

But maybe I’m just old-fashioned in that way.